The alternative to “I challenge your view” is “I would like to bring to the discussion another point of view” 🙂
If there would be one indefinite investment I would be asked to make in my professional life it would be human relationships.
In projects, even if short-lived, relationships matter the most. Project’s success rarely, if ever, depends on one person only. Relationships can make or break a project. As project managers, we have a double task of building our relationship with the team and creating/nurturing the environment in the team. And you should not forget about the relationship with yourself.
Relationships with team members start with developing rapport. I learned over years that developing rapport needs action on a number of levels:
A. “Knowing your self”, your triggers, your fears, your inner voice…
B. Taking time to learn about team members. What they like, what they dislike.
C. Opening yourself to others. The degree of openness depends on your introvert or extravert type of personality. Do not expect however the same from others. They will open when they are ready to trust.
D. Creating opportunities for team members to get to know each other. At a cooking class with colleagues, a team member exclaimed “you are surprisingly funny” addressing a colleague. Their work relationship flourished since then. This, in turn, brought large dividents to the project.
In a project team I managed, egos were big and complaints against each other – rampant. After a Christmas party, where each had to bring a gift to the team representing the country they were from, complaints ceased and the project could benefit from the unity of action through the diversity of background.
E. Making communication thoughtful and purposeful. In other words, think before talking and talk for a reason. Water cooler chats are fine, as long as no gossiping is involved.
F. Doing no harm to hamonious relationships between team members. Even if divide et impera worked in the short term, in long term it did not save even an empire.
G. Being consistent and practicing what you preach.
H. Giving credit where credit is due: in direct communication with the team member and also in discussions about what they do part of the project.
I. Staying humble and letting go when there is noting else you can do to keep or foster a relationship.
If you are wondering where to start, I found the following three tools useful:
- Profiling by colour
2. Personality Types test
3. “Tell me about your favourite spot”
Another useful “getting to know each other” exercise is “Tell me about your favourite spot“: each team member is asked to describe their favourite place in as many details as possible. It tells many thanks about how creative people are, if they value the process or the result, how important are other people in their story etc.
I valued all that offered me the chance to do so: to learn and to teach.
It is not unusual for members of the project team to come close and to get romantically involved with clients/beneficiaries or between each other. It happens in particular, although not exclusively, in projects of duration, when interaction lasts and/or is frequent.
A fellow project manager shared a story: a project had been ended by the sponsor because the team leader and the deputy team leader were engaged in an office romance. The project manager saw no problems and took no measures to prevent the conflict of interest. Also, conflicts with other members of the team followed shortly. The result was for a team of 20 to remain without a lucrative contract.
Could things have been different if the project manager would have reacted? The answer is often in the integrity framework of the project team and the commitment of team members to behave accordingly.
Sammy (not the real name) told the project manager that she knows that Peter is romantically involved with the top guy in the client’s organisation, who was also married. Peter had a support function in the team, with little to no interaction with the client. The project manager – Max – asked Sammy not to share her thoughts with other members of the team.
Peter knew Sammy knows and he was fine with that. Max asked for HR advice and analysed all potential consequences in terms of project information flow to the client. It was sensible not to get into a private matter between two adults, was the HR advice. Max redesigned the information flow as to avoid the sharing of information ahead of the project schedule and to prevent any potential conflict of interest. Sammy was in charge of monitoring that. She assumed the role and delivered well. Peter was reminded of the Code of Ethics of the organisation and the values the organisation stood by. No conflict of interest occurred and the project run smoothly to its end.
- set a clear integrity framework and ethics rules;
- place ethics at the center of the project’s culture;
- prevent and solve conflict of interest;
- prevent office politics and mis-perceptions;
- involve Human Resources and professional advice.
The title is deliberate. Comparing men and women seems a new wave in the equality debates on all sorts of professional walks. The project management world, like any other, is not immune to that.
It seems senseless to me to categorize project managers as male or female. There are studies out there showing that projects managed by women are more successful. The point of this is elusive to me. I am also aware of the bias and prejudice still surrounding women in many cultures in respect of their abilities and skills. As Binna Kandola said during an webinar I attended on diversity and inclusion, “gender biases are perhaps the most difficult to overcome”. At the same time, we have to admit that thanks to generations of women before us we have come a long way in dealing with roles attributions and the phenomenon known as the “likability conundrum.”
Coming back to the project managers profession, if you have the skills, the passion, the commitment, responsibilities, and the work ethic necessary to hold the position then you are a project manager.
By focusing on gender, we miss the point. We shall focus on talent, rather than gender, shall we?
What I learned in numerous interactions is that when you face the likability conundrum, it is important to remember that it says quite a lot about the other person. Do not hold it against them, they might be utterly unaware. Teach them, with your passion and skills.
If you are interested to delve on the issue, PMI has done some research and studies in the field: https://www.pmi.org/learning/library/gender-project-managers-nasa-8988 ; https://www.pmi.org/learning/library/gender-project-management-workplace-dynamics-5609